Q&A: When I get to heaven will my miscarried baby be a fully formed boy or girl?

Dear friend,

We are exploring a topic that calls for prayerful humility. So these "answers" recognize that mystery belongs to the Lord  but there are things He reveals to us (Deut. 29:29). Thus, there are areas God has spelled out and we stand on firmly. And there are things He has not... so we seek to understand them with what we know from Scripture  while holding these more loosely.

When I get to heaven will my baby (who we miscarried) be a fully formed boy or girl..or not? Any thoughts/things you have learned from God's word on this?

The loss of a baby is extremely hard and a great tragedy in this life. Our prayers go out to you.

As we begin, there is no direct answer to this question in Scripture. However, we know that God knows us before we are even formed in the womb  and has a plan for each of us (Jer. 1:5). Psalm 139 is a good resource to reflect on this and I strongly suggest reading it. From this (and other places), we see God is personally involved in creating, including us. Although we may not know our unborn babies well, He does. He knew us in the womb and knit us together (vv. 13-14). He sees our unformed body and has written our days in His book (v. 16).

So there is meaning, sacredness, and purpose to our life...however long or short it might be.

Additionally, he created with a physical sex (Gen 1) so even if we do not fully realize the physical identification of that, it is woven or knitted (as it says)  into the DNA at conception. As gender was part of our pre-fall state and is wired in early, it is reasonable to believe that this will be part of our eternal existence in some way. (This "knitting" is not only physical attributes but includes other traits and characteristics.)

This "knitting", our creation potential (or, if you will, plan), comes to its complete fulfillment through Jesus Christ in whom all things were created, for whom they were created for, and in whom all things hold together (Col. 1:15-17). From this Scripture we see that our entire existence, pre-birth or post-birth, is tied to Christ.

This is why, in this life, salvation is by grace through faith in Christ (Eph. 2:8-9). This faith in Christ results in one day being brought to the fullness of who we are without sin, physical illness, mental illness, deformity, etc.  (Rom. 8:19-25; Rom. 8:29; 2 Cor. 3:18; Rev. 21). The work-in-progress will be completed (Phil. 1:6). So, although Scripture does not speak specifically to the unborn question, we are told that all who are in Christ will come to that full redemptive transformation. Thus, it is likely the unborn will be as we will be...expressing the fullness of Christ without any lacking physically, mentally, etc. (Eph. 4:12-15), which is what Scripture calls "maturity" or "completeness". ("Telios" in the Greek).

At that point, it's kind of like the question, "When I go to heaven, what age will I be?" Whatever we are to be in Christ will be that expression. Young or old, we will be the fullest expression of who we are to be. And it is not all spiritual as it's worthy to note that the post-resurrection Jesus was one who people spoke with, he ate, etc.

And, in the days between, when the pain may seem too raw or can only be expressed in groans, remember that God is not far: "...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (Rom. 8:26). And invite your church family to care and pray with you in such times.

What other questions would you like us to discuss/explore in the future?

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