A Part of Me was Dying Inside: A FirstCov’er Story

Recently, FirstCov'er Lindsey Koskie walked through a time of relentless, physical suffering. Much like our human body needs to be physically healthy to thrive, God also designed the Church to become a unified Body of Christ. Today, Lindsey invites us along on this journey, sharing her reflections and the revelations she received from God on the importance of a functioning Body of Christ.

Mysterious Pains

A part of me was dying inside, and I didn’t even know it.

At the end of October, my family had just gotten done battling a stomach bug that made
its way through every member in our household over a period of two weeks. I thought
we were all recovered when, on Monday night, October 28th, I ate something that did
not agree with me very well. I took some medicine to settle my stomach, then went to
bed.

That night I had a lot of pain on my left side that would travel to my back. I could not
sleep well all night long and thought it must've been the worst reaction to something I
ate that I had ever felt.

Since I was still super uncomfortable in the morning, and nothing I tried seemed to ease
it, I went to see a doctor. They took blood tests, which all came back normal, and sent
me home with the thought that my stomach problems would disappear within 24 hours.
The next day, my symptoms did not improve much, so back to the doctor I went. They
did a CT scan, which basically looked normal. A small guess was that possibly there
was an ovarian cyst that had burst inside me. If that was the case, I should feel better in
a few days. I was sent home to wait out the pain and discomfort and told to come back if
I was not feeling better or if things got worse.

Things seemed to get a little better. But the weekend brought new pains and
discomforts.

Even so, I did my best to celebrate my daughter's birthday since the celebration had
already been postponed due to our earlier illnesses. I waited until Monday to see if my
pains subsided. I thought I felt a little better but was still feeling uncomfortable. I wasn't
sure what was an appropriate amount of time to give myself to heal.

Seeking the Lord

Up to this point, I wasn't sure what to pray for myself or what to ask prayers for. I felt like
if I simply asked for my pains and discomforts to be healed, it would be meaningless.

For quite some time, I had been struggling with experiencing God's Life, Purpose, and
Joy in my life. Whether I felt well physically or not wasn't very important to me if all
was not well with my soul. So I started to ask God to help me in that area of my life.
On Monday, November 5, during my Bible reading for the day, I read Ephesians
3:14-21, which talks about being strengthened with power through his Spirit “in your
inner being.” I was feeling very sore, weak and uncomfortable in my physical inner
being.

I wasn’t sure what else I should be doing about it. I was questioning whether or not my
physical state was a reflection of something going on spiritually.

I wrote this prayer based on the passage I read for the day:

“I pray that out of Your glorious riches, Father, You may strengthen me with power through Your Holy Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith. I pray that I may have power to grasp Christ’s love for me. May You do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine, according to Your power that is at work within me. I need Your Joy, Peace, and Purpose. All Glory belongs to You, Oh LORD.”

I was tired of feeling uncomfortable. I was tired of sitting all day and trying to manage
my household from a chair. I was tired of feeling useless and helpless. By Tuesday
night, November 6, I decided it would probably be a good idea to go back to see the
doctor. My pains and discomforts were certainly not gone.

I was able to get an appointment right away the next morning, with a different doctor
whom I believed to be trustworthy. After a very painful examination, an ultrasound was
ordered.

But I had to wait another whole day before my appointment.

A Surprising Lesson

I went in right away Thursday morning, November 8, for my ultrasound. What was
supposed to be a painless experience was very painful and uncomfortable. It
wasn't long before I met with yet another doctor, who told me they discovered one of my
ovaries was twisted and was cutting off blood supply.

When I asked if that was likely causing all the other pains in my abdominal area, the doctor verified it to be true. “It’s dying,” he said.

“When something inside you is dying, it affects the other organs around it. It can make you very sick."

When he left the exam room, I sat there and thought about that. I had recently been
reading and thinking about how we, as Christians, make up the body of Christ. We all
have our own purpose, our own function, but we all must function together, relying on
each other, for the Church body to function in a healthy way.

After hearing what the doctor said, I realized that if any part of the body of Christ
is dying spiritually, it affects the rest of us negatively. I had certainly been feeling it
physically in my body in those last 10 days how my other organs were negatively
affected by a dying organ. I realized I did not want to be one of those members in the
body of Christ that was dying spiritually. If that was the case, it wouldn't just affect me, it
would also affect all those around me. "Help me, Lord!" I prayed. "Let me not be one
who is dying spiritually. Bring Life back to me!"

The doctor went to work right away to set up surgery for me. The surgeon said he would
save the ovary if he could. But once he looked inside, he discovered it was too far gone.
There was no saving it, so it was removed. I am SO THANKFUL they were able to find
the cause of my pain and do something about it quickly after the discovery. I recovered
at home for a few weeks and am appreciating feeling much better in my abdominal
area.

As for my spiritual “inner being,” God continues to work on me every day.
Healing is a process and change is a journey. I am thankful for all the prayers and
concerns, love and support of my church family through all this.

I think it is important for us to join together and pray for spiritual healing for
anyone in our Church that needs it, so the whole Body can be healthy and
function well.

Editor's Note: We all have a story to tell. When we start sharing our stories, God uses our experiences to encourage and inspire others to walk through hard days, knowing that He is sovereign and will carry us through. What's your story? Share in the comments how God has shown His faithfulness to you in your trials.

1 Response

  1. Lindsay, This is a great connection to the truth of the Christian community! I'm so grateful for God's provision for you for healing... Love you, my friend! Angie

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